It’s Christmas and your parents have been amazingly generous with your kids, as the piles of presents can attest. Though their parenting style left something to be desired—“Because I said so, that’s why,” is still not a valid reason to eat broccoli—their Grandparenting style is superb.
But don’t be fooled, to them Christmas is not about love and family and fresh-baked snickerdoodles. No, Christmas is about one thing, and one thing only—revenge gifting.
Yeah, baby, it’s payback time, and the Christmas Karma Fairy is about to collect.
For years your parents have suffered, and now it’s your turn to pay for all those chaotic Christmas mornings packed with the toys that you begged and whined for until your parents—I mean Santa—finally gave in.
Your parent’s generosity is actually sweet revenge for that mind-numbing pull-string clacking duck—quack, quack, quack—retribution for that toy lawnmower that measured twenty decibels louder than a John Deere riding mower—varoom, varoom, varoom—and for that insipid talking doll that repeated—“Hi, I’m Skipper, Hi, I’m Skipper”—until your parents wanted to skip her straight into the Yule log.
Revenge gifting is repayment for all the migraine-inducing sour notes you banged out on your toy piano and the deafening racket you pounded out on your drum set. And still today your poor parents have PTSD from the explosions and machine-gun fire on that World of Warcraft Christmas morning, which guaranteed that they would never again have a silent night.
So don’t let their gifts fool you; they’re not to help with your tight money situation, what with the mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a gerbil to feed. Ever since your first child’s birth announcement, your parents have been plotting ways to inflict as much pain on you as you did on them. Continue reading “Christmas Traditions Worth Keeping”