It was the worst job interview of my life. Worse than the time an employer asked where I needed to improve and I blurted out, “I need to stop stealing office supplies for drug money.”
Month: March 2017
My Head Ate Too Much
Though I’ve been told I have a big head, lately it’s not big enough to hold all the information I’m collecting. My head is stuffed full. Too many entries are crowded willy-nilly in my mental data bank, making retrieval difficult, sometimes impossible. If only my brain had a delete button so I could dump some old memories to make room for new ones. Of course, a few embarrassing moments should be retained to keep me humble, and a few sad ones–not too many–to keep me grounded. I wouldn’t have to delete much, I just need a little more room. I want a pill that relieves over-crowding and creates extra space, like Beano for the brain. Continue reading “My Head Ate Too Much”
The Naked Truth
I feel weird getting naked in someone else’s home. I was spending the weekend with friends, and decided to take a shower before bed. From inside the bathroom I could hear my hosts talking, and there I stood, one door away—stark naked.
Suddenly I flashed on the first time I had to get naked in front of people, an event that traumatized me for life—my first day of junior high gym.
The Perfect Tomato
For my husband’s birthday I made his favorite dish: pasta Bolognese. In the three decades I’ve been making this meaty sauce, this was the first time the planets aligned in a harmonic convergence which culminated in one batch of unequivocal, undeniable—perfection. This accomplishment should fill me with pride—right?—but all I feel is doomed.
The Break Up
Last night Sleep and I broke up. We disagreed over a bar of dark chocolate. Sleep said, “You’ll regret eating that.” But of course, I ate it anyway. I should have listened because sleep was right. And I had all night to think about it.
My dark-chocolate buzz made random thoughts swirl in my head like an inter-cranial tornado, thoughts like, why can you give someone short shrift, but not long shrift? Why is abbreviation such a long word? And why are your loins the only part of your body you can gird?